Whiskey in the Jar

“Whiskey in the Jar” is a famous Irish traditional song, set in the southern mountains of Ireland, the tale of a highwayman who, after robbing a military or government official, is betrayed by a woman, and is one of the most widely performed traditional Irish songs. It has been recorded by numerous professional artists since the 1950s.

As I was a goin’ over the far famed Kerry mountains

I met with captain Farrell and his money he was counting
I first produced my pistol and I then produced my rapier
Saying “Stand and deliver” for he were a bold deceiver

Chorus:
Mush-a ring dum-a do dum-a da
Wack fall the daddy-o, wack fall the daddy-o
There’s whiskey in the jar

I counted out his money and it made a pretty penny
I put it in me pocket and I took it home to Jenny
She sighed and she swore that she never would deceive me
But the devil take the women for they never can be easy

(Chorus)

I went up to my chamber, all for to take a slumber
I dreamt of gold and jewels and for sure ‘t was no wonder
But Jenny drew me charges and she filled them up with water
Then sent for captain Farrell to be ready for the slaughter

(Chorus)

’twas early in the morning, just before I rose to travel
Up comes a band of footmen and likewise captain Farrell
I first produced me pistol for she stole away me rapier
I couldn’t shoot the water, so a prisoner I was taken

(Chorus)

Now there’s some take delight in the carriages a rolling
and others take delight in the hurling and the bowling
but I take delight in the juice of the barley
and courting pretty fair maids in the morning bright and early

(Chorus)

If anyone can aid me ‘t is my brother in the army
If I can find his station in Cork or in Killarney
And if he’ll go with me, we’ll go rovin’ in Kilkenny
And I’m sure he’ll treat me better than my own a-sporting Jenny

(Chorus)

Use Facebook to Comment on this Post

“You Can’t Kill Michael Malloy”

The indestructible Michael Malloy, the Irish man they could not kill.

Michael Malloy also known as Mike the Durable and Iron Mike, was an Irishman from County Donegal who lived in New York City during the 1920s and 30s. A former firefighter down on his luck, homeless took to drinking on the tough streets of New York City. He is most famous for surviving a number of attempts on his life by five associates, who were attempting to commit life insurance fraud.

The events that led to Malloy’s death began in January 1933. The five men who planned the terrible deed were Tony Marino, Joseph “Red” Murphy, Francis Pasqua, Hershey Green, and Daniel Kriesberg collectively known as “the Murder Trust”. The Plot involved taking out three life insurance policies on Malloy and then getting him to drink himself to death. They stood to gain over $3,500 (more than $61,000 by today’s standards) if Malloy died an accidental death. Now considering this was an Irishman, I can immediately see that there might be a flaw in this plan, but alas on they went with the plot.

lethal cocktail of all sorts

Marino owned a bar and gave Malloy unlimited credit, which was his first mistake, thinking Malloy would abuse it and drink himself to death. This didn’t have any effect on him at all. Next up it was decided to mix antifreeze with his liquor, but still Malloy would drink until he passed out, wake up, and come back for more. Then turpentine, followed by horse liniment, and finally a mix of rat poison.

Necknominate that!

A nice combination of toxins but still Malloy lived.

The group then tried raw oysters soaked in wood alcohol. Getting really desperate now, they used a sandwich of spoiled sardines mixed with poison and carpet tacks. Finally it dawned on them that Malloy could not be killed by poisoning so they decided to freeze him to death. On a very cold NY night -14 °F (-26 °C), Malloy drank until he passed out, was carried to a park, thrown onto the snow, and had five gallons of water poured on his bare chest. All the same, Malloy resurfaced the ensuing day for his drink.

stiff drink please

Green, a taxi driver, came up with the plan to knock him down with his car, moving at 45 miles per hour.

Finally something looked like it might work as Malloy was hospitalized, but unfortunately it was for only three weeks with a few broken bones, nothing life-threatening. The gang thinking he was dead once he was carted off to the hospital were ready to collect on the insurance policy. But he again appeared at the bar, Malloy returns!

On February 22, after he passed out for the night as usual, they took him to Murphy’s room, put a hosepipe in his mouth that was connected to some gas, and turned it on. This finally killed Malloy, death occurring within minutes.

Pronounced dead of lobar pneumonia, he was quickly buried. However, the members of the Murder Trust let it all go to their heads, fighting amongst themselves over the money and with rumours of the Durable Mike Malloy circulating in all of the speakeasies of the city it wasn’t long before the gang were caught.

The five men were put on trial. Green sent to prison, the other four members getting the electric chair. How’s that for justice, and one hell of an amazing story.

Use Facebook to Comment on this Post

Drinking yourself to death:

34 beers, 4 bourbons, 17 shots of tequila?

Drinking yourself to death? The Winner gets a trip to the morgue, and a mention on the Darwin Awards

Beer, and loads of it

August 1999 Australia, a 33 year old computer technician called Allan is about to go into drinking folklore. In a Sydney Hotel Bar a boozing competition known as “Feral Friday” is about to take place, with a 100-minute time limit for drinking and a sliding point scale ranging from 1 point for beer to 8 points for hard liquor. The stage was set for an epic battle, let the drinking commence. This is Australia and this is what they do down under!

An hour and 40 minutes later, our hero Allan took the prize. He stood and cheered his winning total of 236 shouting out that “winners never quit!”. His alcohol level of was at least 353 mg of alcohol per 100 ml of blood, seven times more than Australia’s legal driving limit of 0.05%. After several journeys to the toilet, Allan was helped back to his workplace to sleep it off. Perhaps he was expecting to do some work later on. Unfortunately he never did manage to come out of that nap.

So what we really want to know is what was his poison?

Well a forensic pharmacologist estimated that after downing 34 beers, four bourbons, and 17 shots of tequila, his blood level should have been 0.41 to 0.43 per cent. But Allen had puked up numerous times after the competition ended, so his actual blood alcohol content was a bit lower when it was measured after his death. Let just say there was some blood in his alcohol that day!

The hotel was fined the equivalent of about £8000 for not intervening, however at least Allan didn’t need much embalming. 

http://darwinawards.com

Remembering the late great Mel Smith

Use Facebook to Comment on this Post

John Daly

John Patrick Daly (born April 28, 1966) is an American professional golfer on the PGA Tour. Daly is known primarily for his driving distance off the tee (earning him the nickname “Long John”), his non-country club appearance and attitude, and his hectic personal life. His two greatest golfing accomplishments are his “zero to hero” victory in the 1991 PGA Championship, and his playoff victory over Costantino Rocca in the 1995 Open Championship.

John Daly, the larger than life golf pro, had many addictions. Addicted to fast food, addicted to alcohol, addicted to the cigarettes and addicted to gambling. The fact he managed to win two Golfing majors is a quirk of his sport. How a man carrying a heavy weight, who rarely put in as much practice hours as a you would expect a pro to do, maybe partying all night but could still be a golf professional for the good of 10 years making millions in the bargain, is simply amazing. Putting it simply he didn’t look a golf pro. But he was loved. He was a guy who simply had many problems: gambling debts, four marriage breakups, weight issues, alcohol binges. He had the problems that many people have, and that we can relate to. Usually sports people are perfect; ideal weight, limitless effort to perform at the highest level, millions upon millions in the bank, the perfect life. Here was a guy who was on our TV playing at top sporting events, who looked rough. We liked that, this was a guy who we could understand and appreciate. Unlike the robotic Tiger Woods with the personality of a gnat, Daly always had a huge and cult like following. Though Daly hasn’t won a PGA Tour event since the 2004 Buick Invitational, he remains one of the game’s longest hitters and most popular players. That is why even today he still gets the odd invitational since his name can swell attendances. He also has his own clothing range, book and TV show, all popular with the public.

His first major victory is legendary. In his rookie year on the PGA circuit, he managed to win the PGA championship in 1991. He was lucky enough even to be invited as he was the ninth and final alternate for the championship with Nick Price dropping out and the other eight alternates not able to make it in time. Not enough time to play a first round practice session he power played himself into the lead on the difficult Crooked Stick course. He eventually won the tournament, giving him a three-stroke victory over Lietzke. Daly was subsequently named PGA Tour Rookie of the Year. He was also the first rookie to win a major title since Pate won the U.S. Open in 1976. History was made and the legendary stories of “Long John Daly” were born. He had arrived sleeping in the backseat of a friend’s car, probably hung over, just expecting to have a decent outing, enough to avoid going back to qualifying school. Instead he won, and won big. The winner’s cheque of $230,000 was more money than he had ever seen before, and the resulting sponsorship and endorsement deals poured in. From that point on-wards, Daly became one of the most popular players on Tour, building a loyal fan base. He also went on to win the British open in 1995, unexpectedly, after a playoff with Costantino Rocca at St Andrews.

Thing for Daly, though, was that this success highlighted to the public his inner demons and made his addictions and hectic life on show to the whole golf, and sporting, world.

His gambling: According to himself, Daly claims to have lost between US$50 and $60 million over 15 years of heavy gambling. This includes losing $1.5 million in about 5 hours of gambling on the slot machines in October 2005, after winning half that amount at the WGC-American Express tournament, most of it lost on a $5,000 Las Vegas slot machine.

Proof he had a serious addiction was what he said about this incident, “here’s how my sick mind analyzed the situation,” Daly wrote. “My sponsorship payments would be coming through in January, so I’d be able to pay everything off and get back to even by the beginning of the New Year. Everything’s fine. Everything’s OK. No problem. Hell, yes, there’s a problem.”

His weight: A man with a heavy gait, probably due to all the boozing, his weight was always on issue for Daly. He eventually decided to undergo extreme actions in 2009 by doing some lap band surgery to lose over 90 pounds Initially this improved his game, second in the Italian open, but some observers have suggested that this weight loss in fact made him lose some of his power in his swing, his power game. But then the health benefits override that, and he is looking a lot better and happier these days.

Married life

His marriages: He married four times, Daly was even charged with third-degree assault for throwing his second wife Bettye into a wall at their home near Denver. Of course the most famous incident is when one of the wives’ attacked him with a steak knife. He showed up for his second round of golf the next day with cuts and scrapes across his face. Authorities were contacted by him and came to his house, but his wife had already fled the scene and taken their children with her.  According to Daly, he was awakened by his wife attacking him with a steak knife and shouting, “I will kill you.” Still, though, he made the cut on the golf course, typical Daly tenacity.

Of course, he wasn’t famous for his loyalty and fidelity to his women, often appearing drunk with topless women living the life.  Also he had a short fuse as his wife Sherrie Daly mentioned the time John drank a little too much and came home to find that a decorator had painted his house’s walls the wrong colour. “He just came in front of me, his own mother, my sister-in-law, and just started peeing all over the walls.”

His alcohol problems: Now I know the 19^th green in Golf is the best hole I can think of playing, but very few, if any other golfers, apart from John Daly, are known for their boozing. It really is such a boring and soulless sport. A big difference between country club to professional, another reason perhaps for Daly’s popularity?

In March 2008, Daly’s swing coach Butch Harmon quit, saying that “the most important thing in his life is getting drunk.” John Daly has rebutted this, in words though, because his actions might tend to suggest he did like to drink a good bit and have a fine time. He once said he drank a shot of JD everyday at 23, was booted off a British Airways flight for harassing a flight attendant while being drunk,, trashed the odd hotel room, teeing off on a can of beer in a pro am as ones does, and at the ’98 Greater Vancouver Open Daly was visibly seen shaking as he tried to play golf obviously suffering from the shakes (we all have experienced this but maybe not on live TV!)

Mug shot

Then there is the famous mug shot when in October 26, 2008, Daly was taken into police custody by Winston-Salem police after being found drunk and a passed out outside a Hooters restaurant. Daly was not arrested or charged with anything. However, the police released his mug shot to the media which resulted in massive negative publicity and a dressing down from the golfing authorities who fined him $10,000. Don’t think it upset his fans too much to be honest.

When Daly missed the cut, instead of going home, or returning to the practice green early the next day, he would go to the bar and hangout with fans, and models,  signing autographs and getting his photo taken.. One could argue if this is why he didn’t seem too bothered not lasting into the latter stages of many a golfing competition. This wasn’t a world you would see Tiger Woods or the “character” Ian Poulter anytime, ever!

So what did all these shenanigans do for his golfing game?  Apart from a tendency to throw his clubs into lakes and pin his balls all over the place, and citations from the authorities for non trying a record 21 times he, all in all, managed to build a decent golfing career, had decent sponsorship deals, won two majors, and earned enough to live comfortably –if he didn’t squander it all in the casinos. But he doesn’t have the longevity that many golfers do; he now isn’t ranked in the top moneys list so Daly must now depend heavily on sponsor invitations. As far as individual tournaments are concerned, Daly is exempt for life in the PGA Championship and AT&T Pebble Beach National Pro-Am, and up to age 60 in the British Open.

Daly still continues on-wards but his best days are long gone. But he will be forever remembered as the guy who made golf that little bit interesting, and gave hope to all those amateur golfers in that if a guy clearly overweight, nursing a hangover, smoking as he goes around the course can win majors, then there’s hope for  the rest of us

John Daly we salute you.

Some of his most famous quotes

“I learned you can’t drink whiskey and play golf.”

“I was never able to have three of four beers. One’s too many, and ten just ain’t enough. Basically it’s the way I’ve been since high school.”

“Everyone has addictions and my problem is that I have 5,000 of them. If it’s not drinking, it’s gambling; if it’s not gambling, it’s eating anything from burgers, doughnuts to M&Ms. The only addiction I don’t suffer from is chasing women.”

“Everybody goes through divorces. There are millions of people that have drinking problems. There are people that their weight goes up and down, just like mine. It’s just life. And I think people relate to that. I really do.”

Use Facebook to Comment on this Post