Author Archives: Rob Nesbit

About Rob Nesbit

Beer drinker and all round annoyance. Likes drinking, football, cricket and having a good time.

Swino, the beer swilling pig from Australia

Hell Raiser *6 “Swino”

“Swino”

One of Australia’s more recent anti-hero’s, a drinking legend and boozed up fighting machine, I introduce “Swino” the feral pig.

A short life he had, Swino made headlines, both at home and all across the world, when he went on a drunken rampage after stealing alcohol. Downing eighteen cans of extra strong beer in no time, starting a fight with an innocent poor cow and then going on the tear in a campsite in Western Australia the feral pig was a naughty little piggy. 

Not noted for his drinking prowess, the beer swilling pig lost control of himself, and when the hunger got to much for him he simply didn’t know what to do, so he trashed the nearby camp site. Then he recklessly went for a midnight swim in the middle of the river, as you do, before ultimately crumpling unconscious underneath a log. 

Unfortunately our story has a sad ending, as our great hero died in a tragic traffic accident a few weeks after, hit by a truck while trying to cross the highway. It is not clear if Swino had also been drinking at this time, probably. 

Just so you don’t think I made it up, here is the ABC news link to this story!
Beer-stealing feral pig, nicknamed Swino, dies in car accident

 

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Whiskey in the jar

“Whiskey in the Jar” Lyrics

Whiskey in the Jar

Whiskey in the Jar” is a famous Irish traditional song, set in the southern mountains of Ireland, the tale of a highwayman who, after robbing a military or government official, is betrayed by a woman, and is one of the most widely performed traditional Irish songs. It has been recorded by numerous professional artists since the 1950s.

As I was a goin’ over the far famed Kerry mountains

I met with captain Farrell and his money he was counting
I first produced my pistol and I then produced my rapier
Saying “Stand and deliver” for he were a bold deceiver

Chorus:
Mush-a ring dum-a do dum-a da
Wack fall the daddy-o, wack fall the daddy-o
There’s whiskey in the jar

I counted out his money and it made a pretty penny
I put it in me pocket and I took it home to Jenny
She sighed and she swore that she never would deceive me
But the devil take the women for they never can be easy

(Chorus)

I went up to my chamber, all for to take a slumber
I dreamt of gold and jewels and for sure ‘t was no wonder
But Jenny drew me charges and she filled them up with water
Then sent for captain Farrell to be ready for the slaughter

(Chorus)

’twas early in the morning, just before I rose to travel
Up comes a band of footmen and likewise captain Farrell
I first produced me pistol for she stole away me rapier
I couldn’t shoot the water, so a prisoner I was taken

(Chorus)

Now there’s some take delight in the carriages a rolling
and others take delight in the hurling and the bowling
but I take delight in the juice of the barley
and courting pretty fair maids in the morning bright and early

(Chorus)

If anyone can aid me ‘t is my brother in the army
If I can find his station in Cork or in Killarney
And if he’ll go with me, we’ll go rovin’ in Kilkenny
And I’m sure he’ll treat me better than my own a-sporting Jenny

(Chorus)

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kill the Irish man!

Hell Raiser *5 Michael Malloy

“You Can’t Kill Michael Malloy”

The indestructible Michael Malloy, the Irish man they could not kill.

Michael Malloy also known as Mike the Durable and Iron Mike, was an Irishman from County Donegal who lived in New York City during the 1920s and 30s. A former firefighter down on his luck, homeless took to drinking on the tough streets of New York City. He is most famous for surviving a number of attempts on his life by five associates, who were attempting to commit life insurance fraud.

The events that led to Malloy’s death began in January 1933. The five men who planned the terrible deed were Tony Marino, Joseph “Red” Murphy, Francis Pasqua, Hershey Green, and Daniel Kriesberg collectively known as “the Murder Trust”. The Plot involved taking out three life insurance policies on Malloy and then getting him to drink himself to death. They stood to gain over $3,500 (more than $61,000 by today’s standards) if Malloy died an accidental death. Now considering this was an Irishman, I can immediately see that there might be a flaw in this plan, but alas on they went with the plot.

"You Can't Kill Michael Malloy". The Irish man they could not kill!

lethal cocktail of all sorts

Marino owned a bar and gave Malloy unlimited credit, which was his first mistake, thinking Malloy would abuse it and drink himself to death. This didn’t have any effect on him at all. Next up it was decided to mix antifreeze with his liquor, but still Malloy would drink until he passed out, wake up, and come back for more. Then turpentine, followed by horse liniment, and finally a mix of rat poison.

"You Can't Kill Michael Malloy". The Irish man they could not kill!

Necknominate that!

A nice combination of toxins but still Malloy lived.

The group then tried raw oysters soaked in wood alcohol. Getting really desperate now, they used a sandwich of spoiled sardines mixed with poison and carpet tacks. Finally it dawned on them that Malloy could not be killed by poisoning so they decided to freeze him to death. On a very cold NY night -14 °F (-26 °C), Malloy drank until he passed out, was carried to a park, thrown onto the snow, and had five gallons of water poured on his bare chest. All the same, Malloy resurfaced the ensuing day for his drink.

"You Can't Kill Michael Malloy". The Irish man they could not kill!

stiff drink please

Green, a taxi driver, came up with the plan to knock him down with his car, moving at 45 miles per hour.

Finally something looked like it might work as Malloy was hospitalized, but unfortunately it was for only three weeks with a few broken bones, nothing life-threatening. The gang thinking he was dead once he was carted off to the hospital were ready to collect on the insurance policy. But he again appeared at the bar, Malloy returns!

On February 22, after he passed out for the night as usual, they took him to Murphy’s room, put a hosepipe in his mouth that was connected to some gas, and turned it on. This finally killed Malloy, death occurring within minutes.

Pronounced dead of lobar pneumonia, he was quickly buried. However, the members of the Murder Trust let it all go to their heads, fighting amongst themselves over the money and with rumours of the Durable Mike Malloy circulating in all of the speakeasies of the city it wasn’t long before the gang were caught.

The five men were put on trial. Green sent to prison, the other four members getting the electric chair. How’s that for justice, and one hell of an amazing story.

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Drinking to death. 68 beers 4 bourbons,17 shots of tequila

Drinking yourself to death: 34 beers, 4 bourbons, 17 shots of tequila?

Drinking yourself to death:

34 beers, 4 bourbons, 17 shots of tequila?

Drinking yourself to death? The Winner gets a trip to the morgue, and a mention on the Darwin Awards

Drinking to death. 68 beers 4 bourbons,17 shots of tequila

Beer, and loads of it

August 1999 Australia, a 33 year old computer technician called Allan is about to go into drinking folklore. In a Sydney Hotel Bar a boozing competition known as “Feral Friday” is about to take place, with a 100-minute time limit for drinking and a sliding point scale ranging from 1 point for beer to 8 points for hard liquor. The stage was set for an epic battle, let the drinking commence. This is Australia and this is what they do down under!

An hour and 40 minutes later, our hero Allan took the prize. He stood and cheered his winning total of 236 shouting out that “winners never quit!”. His alcohol level of was at least 353 mg of alcohol per 100 ml of blood, seven times more than Australia’s legal driving limit of 0.05%. After several journeys to the toilet, Allan was helped back to his workplace to sleep it off. Perhaps he was expecting to do some work later on. Unfortunately he never did manage to come out of that nap.

So what we really want to know is what was his poison?

Well a forensic pharmacologist estimated that after downing 34 beers, four bourbons, and 17 shots of tequila, his blood level should have been 0.41 to 0.43 per cent. But Allen had puked up numerous times after the competition ended, so his actual blood alcohol content was a bit lower when it was measured after his death. Let just say there was some blood in his alcohol that day!

The hotel was fined the equivalent of about £8000 for not intervening, however at least Allan didn’t need much embalming. 

http://darwinawards.com

Remembering the late great Mel Smith

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‘Drunk Without Alcohol’

‘Drunk Without Alcohol’

Drug Seen As Way To Party Without Hangover

Posted: 11/13/2013 6:28 pm EST

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/11/13/drunk-without-alcohol-drug-hangover_n_4260369.html

Drunk Without Alcohol

all good

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Never! 

This is a fucking stupid idea from a person who probably never drank in their life or if they did then they don’t know how to handle themselves drunk. 

Feck off with this shite!

If you need to mimic and copy an alcohol high without a hangover then just take some fucking pills for fucks sake. No hangover, no problem. Ok maybe no sleep for three days as well but whats what. Who came up with this, some geek in a lab?

Having a hangover is part of the package, and if you cant handle that then don’t fucking drink. Yes it can be a pain, but with a little pain you come out stronger the other side, it toughens you up. 

“Imagine a substance that could mimic the pleasant effects of drinking without the downside. You could drink yourself silly on the stuff, and then reverse the inebriation with a “sober pill” and drive home safely. Hangover? What hangover?”

I happen to like the hangover phase thank you very much, it means I was in the wars and I survived. Just, leave, it, alone, please!

 

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